


Star Shrek Bee Bowie WALL-E AU

by shrek



Category: Bee Movie (2007), David Bowie (Musician), Shrek Series, Star Trek, WALL-E (2008)
Genre: Shrek - Freeform, emogre, shrekbowie, shrexy, star shrek bee bowie wall-e au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-11
Updated: 2014-06-01
Packaged: 2017-12-19 04:12:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/879323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shrek/pseuds/shrek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barry B. Benson is jealous of Shrek and David Bowie's love. Starship Enterprise lands on Shrek's swamp. Shrek is upset. Barry gets stuck on Enterprise. Wall-e is rescued by Enterprise crew. etc</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

Star Shrek Bee Bowie WALL-E AU - Part 1

Barry B Benson, a yellow bee, was finding it tough to get around in his new life. He was torn between his love for David Bowie, his love for Shrek (though he would never admit it!), and his bee-dom. He was truly a bee, though he felt more human. Sometimes, though, all he wanted was the company of some fellow bees.  
As Barry was flying around, he thought he saw a hint of yellow. He did, in fact. Surely, that was a yellow being. “Another bee! I know it!! I know there must be another bee in there!!" Barry said, barely able to contain his excitement.  
——  
"WAAAALL-E", a small, brown, funny-looking robot said. “Captain, this robot is highly illogical. Keeping it violates the prime directive!!" Spock said.  
"Well I don’t care. We had to save this little robot. It’s not doing any harm to save it!" Captain Kirk said. Spock gave Kirk a sassy look, rolled his eyes, and crossed his arms. He’d teach Kirk a lesson later on, in private.  
——-  
Barry was determined to find another bee. He didn’t care if the bee was in what appeared to be a strange spaceship. He was going to shrek it. “I’M A COMING!! HERE COMES BARRY!! PREPARE YOUR—" Before Barry could finish, he crashed into something big. Wait… This wasn’t a bee!  
——  
"KEPTIN!!! KEPTIN!! THERE IS A BEE FLYING AROUND IN THE SHIP!! IT’S A WERY DIFFICULT SITUATION!! KEPTIN!!" Chekov called out. Captain Kirk rolled his eyes, “Chekov, it’s just a silly bee. Do I have to make you put on a red shirt again?" Kirk asked, just as Barry flew into Kirk’s area. Kirk swatted at Barry. “What the… What is this? Spock!! Come here! Mr. Spock!!" the Captain called out.  
"Yes, what is it, captai—" Spock was interrupted as Barry flew into his face. “HEY, I THOUGHT I SAW A BEE!!!" Barry shouted.  
Spock shot a look at Kirk, “Captain, this is highly illogical!! Why is there a BEE on this space ship?" Spock asked.  
"I DON’T KNOW, MISTER SPOCK" Kirk responded with an attitude.  
"I saw the yellow shirt, thought it was a bee!!" Barry said.  
——  
All the confusion involving the bee in the Enterprise, caused the crew to emergency land the ship.  
"WHAT IS THIS HUNK A’ METAL DOIN’ ON MA SWAMP?!" Shrek asked, angrily.  
"Shrek, darling, calm down. I’m sure there’s a perfectly logical explanatio—-" David Bowie started to say, before the spaceship opened its doors.  
——-  
"LET THAT STUPID BEE OUT OF HERE!" Kirk commanded.  
"Dammit Jim, I’m a doctor, not a beekeeper!" Dr. McCoy said.  
"Hey! I’ll let myself out!" Barry said and clumsily flew out of the ship as soon as the doors opened.  
——  
"BARRY?!?!?!!!" Shrek asked as he saw the bee start to fly out of the ship. “OH, NO YOU DON’T. BARRY I AM TIRED OF YOUR CRAP. I’M NOT SHREKING AROUND NOW." Shrek said, and stormed onto the ship.  
"Shrek, darling, wait! It could be dangerous!!" David Bowie said, as he followed Shrek onto the Enterprise. The doors of the ship closed, thinking Barry had escaped. In fact, Barry was still on the ship, and the crew had not yet noticed the two new visitors on the ship.  
"Keptin, warp drive is awailable" Chekov said. “Alright, let’s go." Captain Kirk said as the ship took off.

COMING SOON: PART 2


	2. im gonna shrek it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a very short chapter two.

“Warp factor one, Mr. Sulu,” the captain said. James T. Kirk was captain of the Starship Enterprise. He was the youngest captain in the fleet, in fact. His first officer Spock, a Vulcan-human hybrid, is closer to Jim Kirk than anyone else in the universe.

  
“Fascinating,” Shrek said. Spock gave Shrek a sassy glare and raised one eyebrow at Shrek’s usage of one of Spock’s favorite phrases. “But, I really do not care. NOW GET ME BACK TO MA SWAMP!” Shrek roared and stomped around the bridge of the Enterprise. “I’M GONNA GO HULK ON YA! AND THEN I’M GONNA GO OGRE ON YA AND NOT EVEN A PHASER ON FULL BLAST CAN STOP THE OGRELORD” Shrek pouted and screamed.

Just then, Thomas the train crashed into the Enterprise and they all died. Or did they? No, they did not. They entered through a wormhole. The wormhole was a portal. The portal led to Sodor, an island full of trains and jet planes which had human-like faces.

“Now hold on just a minute! What the devil is going on here?” Scotty demanded as he entered the bridge. Suddenly, Shrek heard this accent. To Shrek, it sounded as if another ogre was aboard. Shrek turned around quickly with a look of hope in his eyes. He wanted to find his long lost brethren.

Shrek opened his mouth to speak, expecting to see a fellow ogre. When he saw the red-shirt wearing engineer, Mr. Scott, he immediately grimaced. “WHAT THE SHREK IS GOING ON HERE?” Shrek shouted, “AND WHAT IS THAT POOR OGRE DOING IN THAT HUMAN SUIT?”

Montgomery Scott was quite confused. “I need a drink. I’m going to get some scotch,” Scotty said.

“JUST WHERE DO YOU THINK YER GOIN’, YOU RED WEARIN’, FARQUAAD SUPPORTIN’, MOTHERSHREKER?” Shrek roared a mighty ogre roar and threw onions at Scotty.

“Alright, alright. That’s about enough!” Captain Kirk said. “Now I’ve had about enough of these shenanigans! Mr. Scott, report to engineering immediately. Security, escort the ogre to his quarters, please.”

“MA WHAT??” Shrek yelled.

“Your, uh, swamp” Captain Kirk replied. Shrek seemed pleased.

Later on, Shrek was confined to quarters, when suddenly Lord Farquaad sneaked in through the vent.  
“Hello, ogre” Farquaad said with a sassy grin.

Shrek immediately filled with rage and began tearing the room apart. “FARQUAAAAAAAD!!” Shrek yelled.  
  
Farquaad was temporarily deaf from the loud noise. The echo was so loud, it was heard on the bridge. Spock, Kirk, and Bones immediately responded to the scene.


	3. number three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter three. chapter four coming soon.

Shrek opened his eyes, and his vision was blurry, at first. When his vision finally came back into focus, his first sight was David Bowie standing over him.  
  
"Doctor, he's awake." Shrek heard David say. David sounded relieved.  
  
"Good. Now, let him rest. He'll need to stay in sickbay for a while." Dr. Mccoy said.

David gave Doctor Leonard "Bones" McCoy a concerned look. "Just how long will he need to be here? Will my Shrek be alright?" Mr. Bowie asked.

Shrek felt his heart beating at warp factor 8 speed. He was so flattered by David's concern. Shrek almost didn't want to get up at all. Almost, that is. He knew he needed to get back to his swamp. 

David and Dr. McCoy walked out of the room to discuss something. Probably something about Shrek.

Just then, Shrek heard a buzzing noise. He remembered hearing something about a certain buzzing noise from the Enterprise history tapes. In the tapes, it was said that the crew had encountered some invisible buzzing creatures. But, the creatures were neither invisible nor buzzing, they were simply traveling at a faster speed than the normal mind in this dimension could comprehend. It was all too complicated for Shrek. Meanwhile, Barry was screaming. "WHY CAN'T YOU HEAR ME YOU STUPID OGRE!" Barry shouted. But it was no use. Barry was in the wrong timeline for even a species as majestic as an ogre to process. Barry had to find a way to communicate.

\-----------------------------

Lord Farquaad rubbed his hands together like a fly. He giggled; not like a villian's evil laugh, but like an excited chipmunk's laughter with a slight hint of evil.   
"WAAAALLLLL-E" A nearly-deafening (again) voice emitted near Farquaad's ear.   
Lord farquaad quickly turned around. "WHAT IS THE MEANING OF TH-", Farquaad started, but stopped as he realized it was a robot. "I hate this stupid technolo-"   
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLL-E" Wall-E interrupted Lord Farquaad again. Farquaad was so angry he took a phaser which he had stolen, and attempted to shoot the little robot. However, Farquaad accidentally ended up shooting himself instead. Fortunately for him, the phaser was on stun. Wall-E started to drive around in circles until he drove over Farquaad's still body and crashed into a wall. Wall-E wasn't stuck there, but he didn't move. He was having an existential crisis. "WAAAALL-E," he wondered aloud. Wall-E thought to himself, " _Wall_ e. _WALL E_. Wall _E_! wall..." as he contemplated the wall in front of him. 

\-------------------------

Barry was feeling lonely. He was tired of not being noticed. He flew on to the bridge again.   
"Keptin, I hear a buzzing noise!" Chekov announced to Captain Jim Kirk.   
"Chekov, it's probably that darn bee." Kirk replied.   
"No sir, we let the bee out hours ago." Sulu told the captain.   
Barry sighed. He landed on Chekov's shoulder and decided to rest there. Chekov felt a little tingle. Secretly, he kind of enjoyed it.

\-----------------------------

As Spock was leaving Kirk's quarters, he noticed a strange sound coming from Shrek's quarters. He called the captain out to investigate. 

\----------------------------

In sickbay, Shrek was snoring. The noise was overwhelming. No one could awake Shrek so that he could be isolated, so sickbay was evacuated. There was also a strange odor, but David explained that it was a normal scent. 

\-----------------------------

"What is going on in here?!" Kirk asked as he watched the scenerio playing in Shrek's quarters. Lord Farquaad was unconscious on the floor, and Wall-E was essentially driving into a wall, constantly, while repeating its own name. 

"Let me guess, Mr. Spock. It's illogical?" Kirk asked.   
"Actually, Captain, the logic is quite apparent here." Spock replied.   
"Oh?" Kirk asked, with a smile. He loved it when Spock was logical.   
"Yes. It would appear that our uninvited guest over there has shot himself with a phaser, and the robot has malfunctioned." Spock told his captain. Suddenly Wall-E turned around. His eyes turned red. His voice dropped in pitch. _"Waaaaaallll-E_ ", the robot said, slowly, in a demonic voice. 

\--------------


	4. Chapter 4-ever after: The final layer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't remember at all what happened in the previous chapters but i'm trying to wrap things up~

David Bowie rose up in bed quickly and with a scream, which awoke his sleeping partner Shrek. Shrek was wearing his sleeping cap and nightgown. "What's wrong, dear?" Shrek asked Mr. Bowie. 

Before David could answer his beloved Ogre, he caught a glimpse of what appeared to be Ringo Starr in a clown suit in the corner of the room. "Do you see that?" he asked Shrek. 

"What? David, I don't see nothin'! Now get ta sleep, boy!" Shrek yelled to David. 

David jerked awake, again. "What is this, inception?" he asked himself. This time, he was alone in bed. The room was completely silent, until a faint robotic "Waaaalll-e" was heard. David shrieked! 

"Lay down! Lay down right now. Get back to sleep!" a slightly-grumpy-sounding man commanded. David obliged. 

"Where am I?" David asked the man, "Who are you?" 

The man responded: "You're on the USS Enterprise. I'm Doctor McCoy. Y-" before the Doctor could finish, a man waltzed into the room. 

"Bonesssss! i need you on the bridge." he said. The man was wearing a yellow shirt which had been torn. He had a very exaggerated way of speaking, and had an overly dramatic manner. David guessed that he must be the captain. He was correct. 

Shrek jumped out from a corner into David's view. David Bowie screamed! 

"Boo!" Shrek shouted. David had a heart attack. Dr. McCoy rushed back into sickbay. "Damn it!" he could be heard shouting in the distance. 

The next day, David awoke. "What happened?" he asked wearily. 

Shrek was holding David's hand, stroking it gently with his fingers. "Shhh," he cooed, "It'll all be ogre soon." 

David didn't question any further. He fell asleep. 

When David awoke again, he was in his own bed. His wife Iman asked him if he had a nightmare. 

"No.. No, it was the strangest thing. I.." David got lost in his thoughts. Iman just rolled her eyes and smiled. Oh, that David. She went back to sleep. David Bowie got up out of bed and went to the kitchen. 

He opened the fridge. An avalanche of onions toppled upon him. He was crushed to death. 

Shrek busted through the door frame, leaving an ogre-sized hole in the wall. He began to eat all of the onions at warp speed, and then performed CPR on David. 

When the CPR did not work (Shrek realized he must have been filling David's lungs with onion bits rather than oxygen), Shrek got down and prayed. He prayed and he chanted: "Ogres are like onions, ogres are like onions, ogres are like onions", similar to the way a monk might chant whatever kind of prayers they like to chant. 

David Bowie opened his eyes. He coughed, "This has been the strangest day of my life" 

Shrek gave David a great big slobbery smooch. 

Iman came out of the bedroom. "What the hell is going on here?!" she asked. 

Shrek put two fingertips to Iman's head, and she passed out. Next, Shrek flew out of the house, busting up through the ceiling.   
"Wait!" David tried to call out, but he was too weak. He was still coughing up bits of onions and he was tired. He decided to take a nap. 

\------------------

The next morning, Iman awoke from the kitchen doorway. "Wh...What happened?"

"You don't remember, dear?" David asked. 

"No, David, why are we in the kitchen? Why are there onion peels everywhere?" 

David Bowie just smiled cheekily. "Don't worry about it, dear" he said. 

Iman smiled back at David. "Clean up all these damn onion peels. David, what the hell were you doing? Jesus christ!!" 

David Bowie started cleaning up the onion peels, staring up at the hole in the ceiling. He started humming "Starman" to himself. One day, Shrek would come back for him. He knew it would never be ogre. Never. Elton John, who was playing the piano in their living room for some reason, pulled down his pink-tinted glasses and winked at David. He knew that was a sign from his ogrelord. Elton preceded to play "All Star" on the piano. David thought he saw Shrek running nude through his garden for a moment, until the green creature was suddenly beamed somewhere up in the sky. David looked up. He could see Shrek sitting in the captain's chair in a spaceship. Somehow he was able to see through the window of a spacecraft which was many miles above his house. Shrek winked at him and transmitted this message to his mind: "I'll be back!". David smiled.


End file.
